Set Backs Don’t Have to Keep You Down

The Comeback Plan……

How many of us have been side lined, gone off track, lost motivation or reverted back to old habits? These are called set backs. Most of us have at one point or another. It’s easy to do. But there are steps you can take to prevent challenges and barriers from getting in the way of your goals and progress. We all have challenges and barriers that have turned into set backs. But it’s how we react to them that matters. The key to success is planning ahead. Even though we all will have unexpected things come up, there are many things we can plan ahead for. Things we know “might” happen. Things that have derailed us in the past. If we plan ahead for these “maybes” or these “just incase” scenarios we already are a step ahead. It’s one of the BIGGEST ways to increase the odds of long term success. Once key habits are developed it becomes easier to stay on track even when the unexpected arises.

Almost a month ago I had to have a major organ removed. I knew the date of the surgery. I knew the recovery period. I knew everything I could possibly know. Why? Because I knew I needed to make a plan BEFORE surgery. A plan that would allow me to recover, be well, and still stay on track with my goals. If I waited until after it would be too easy to put it off. A loose plan was not going to get me back where I was pre-op. So what did I do? I gathered all the information I could. I asked questions. Talked to doctors. Researched. I did it all. Then I made a plan. My plan started BEFORE the surgery, I prepared myself mentally and physically. The plan for after was very detailed. How I would still “move” post surgery in the first few days. How I would get back to cardio. And eventually back to lifting. I had a plan and I was ready! I felt confident I would not lose ground on my goals.

But guess what? The unexpected happened even though I had a plan! I had a big complication during surgery. A complication that caused a major change to my recovery. This made my recovery period last much longer than anticipated. So all of a sudden the plan I made was no longer appropriate. When I was told about the complication post – op I was so frustrated. It would’ve been easy to quit. To just say forget it. To fall into a pity party. But that would have taken me farther away from my goals. I knew how easily habits and thoughts build on each other. When you are in a routine (good or bad) its SO easy to stay in that routine. Thoughts build on each other. If I could keep thinking positively those thoughts would multiply. But if I had negative, pitiful thoughts, those would also multiply.

So as I sat in the hospital I started making a new plan, for the current circumstances, even if just in my head. I was stuck there for a couple days so I made the best use of the time I could. Already planning how I was going to overcome this unexpected barrier. Remembering that this journey is as much about training the mind as it is the body. Train the mind and the body can do anything. I had the unexpected come up but as soon as I was able I started making a new plan and Ive been following it since.

Not everyone is going to have challenge or barrier that can be 100% planned for, but some will. And those are easy. Maybe you are traveling a lot and wont have access to your equipment. Maybe you have a surgery coming up and you know ahead of time. We can plan for that so when the situation arises you are staying on track to your goals and not letting the situation derail you. But, sometimes we don’t know what is coming. You could get sick, injured, have an emergency in the family. You could have a relative end up in the hospital long term. Or sometimes it’s as simple as losing access to a kitchen for renovations for at home healthy meal prep. Or just the holidays! The holidays can be a barrier for many. The list is endless. But for every situation you can make tentative plans, expected or unexpected. There is always a way, and I mean always a way to stay on track with your goals. Sometimes we lose a little progress because life really throws us a curve ball, and it takes everything we have just to get through it, but we can get it back after. In these cases, the plan starts after we deal with what was thrown at us. Its better than giving up all together. It’s part of life. And in life we have to be adaptable and flexible.

The goal with any barrier/obstacle plan is to keep you as close to your goals as possible while you deal with life. And these plans always involve stress management, sleep quality and health as well as anything else you want/can add. Those are all important aspects of dealing with challenging and barriers and also making a full recovery. Sometimes it is appropriate to add exercise and nutrition into the plan. Sometimes it is not. It all depends on what you are being thrown. Either way, you can make a plan to prevent you from going way off course.

This is where health coaches are helpful. It can be hard to see anything outside of the unexpected situation. It can be hard to know what to prepare for. Health coaches know the questions to ask you. The answers are used to create the best possible plan for YOU. And health coaches are there to keep you on track through accountability when it gets hard to see the path. Health coaches also understand life gets in the way and short goals are adjusted as needed during appropriate times, all while keeping the long term goals in sight. Life getting in the way is not a reason to quit. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Always a way to keep moving forward.

But guess what, if you get off track. Or if you quit for a little while. You can always start again. Always. You get endless restarts in this journey! How cool is that? So never let life get in the way forever. Opportunities are endless. Options are endless. Possibilities are endless. Remember that every day moving forward has the potential to be the best part of your life. It’s all a choice. It’s all perspective. It’s all planning.




The Diet Roller Coaster

The holidays are here!! So who is getting on the Diet Rollercoaster with all the others? Not this girl!

The diet roller coaster is no fun. Go on a diet. Lose weight. Gain weight during the holidays. Diet again. Lose weight. Gain weight in the winter. Go on a diet again. Lose weight. Stop the diet. Gain Weight. Im exhausted just thinking about all that! Its time to get off that rollercoaster! I promise that you can ditch the fad diet and get off the diet roller coaster by adopting a sustainable (key word here) nutrition and fitness plan for long term success. And you can start now. This isnt going to take over your life. Youre not going to dread it. It’s actually going to make your life better and more enjoyable. Im willing to promise that.

The holidays are definitely a trigger point for many that are in the process of a lifestyle journey or contemplating one. Filled with a variety of emotions, the holidays can be overwhelming! They’re busy. They’re fun. They’re engaging. They’re exciting. They’re happy. And, they’re full of food! Wait, Food? To some that brings huge smiles, excitement and full bellies. Holiday cookies, treats and drinks. Homemade feasts. So much food! Food is part of every celebration. To others the holidays bring anxiety. Trying so hard not to over indulge. Its stressful when the food looks SO good! And to some, the holidays are a huge hurdle or sometimes even a road block to their goals. If you have struggled with weight or addiction the holidays can be one of the most difficult times of year. If you are considering a healthier lifestyle its easy to delay and start “after the holidays” or make it your “New Year’s Resolution”. And to some if you have just started on your journey, the holidays can derail you in blink of an eye. But guess what? You have control over all of that! Isn’t that great news? And I am here to help you regain control and adopt new behaviors that help you thrive.

I want you to know that you can start, you can continue and you can maintain during the holidays even if it feels impossible. There are so many ways to make this happen. You can still enjoy the holidays and enjoy the food while staying healthy, while staying on track to your goals, while maintaining your goals. And, you can even START NOW! Wait, what? Start before the holidays? Yes! Why not? If you start now, you will have time to develop new lifestyle habits that will help you get through the holidays without moving farther away from your goals. You will get a head start on the journey! You’ll have an accountability partner (me!!!) and that is a HUGE part of success. When you know someone believes in you and is going to check in on you it makes the journey SO much easier. You will know you have someone in your corner supporting you, helping you and listening to you. And you WILL succeed.

You can live a life that allows you to enjoy the foods you love (even holiday treats!) while fueling your body with the nutrients it needs and maintain a consistent weight and fitness level and optimum health. Even during the holidays. Im planning on raiding my kids bags for some my favorite candy on Halloween. Im planning on enjoying another “heroic” plate (or two) on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Christmas Eve. I am planning on enjoying the holidays guilt free with my family. You wont feel hungry and you wont feel deprived. I dont want to feel that way so I am going to make sure my clients dont either. Remember the goal is to build a healthy, sustainable lifestyle that you can enjoy. What you read online can be conflicting and confusing. It can be extreme. And it doesn’t always deliver lasting results. Thats probably why the diet roller coaster is such a popular ride. Its not because its fun…..Thats for sure!!

So what next? A plan. We need a plan. There are key steps that have been proven to increase the long term success. The plan includes, nutrition, fitness and behavior change. Sounds hard. Sounds complicated. Its not. The one thing I do is keep is so simple. This isnt going to take over your life. Its going to be easy and its going to be simple. I promise! My clients have been pleased with the ease and simplicity and most importantly… the results. You can read what they have to say here.

First, you can build fitness into your daily routine without it taking over your life. Fitness doesnt have to be the gym. It doesnt have to take hours of your day. And it can be fit into even the busiest lifestyles with some creativity. And it can be and should be FUN!

Secondly, nutrition. We will talk about what foods you like and dont like. Which foods help you stay full longer. And how to add variety to your meals. We ill even talk about how to add in those favorite treats that you like. And how to get through holidays if that is a trigger for you.

Lastly, behavior change. We can work on scientifically proven techniques to swap out some of your undesirable behaviors for new behaviors. We can add in behaviors that make your goals easier to attain. We can release unhealthy behaviors and replace them with heathy behaviors.

Maybe you need all of the above, or maybe just some. One of my favorite parts of this job is really creating programs that are specific to each person’s needs, goals and current place in relation to those goals. Getting creative with fitness and nutrition plans to spike a clients interest is my goal. You are part of this too! We can work together to find ways to get your moving that YOU enjoy. This isnt my life. Its yours. I want to listen to you and help you create a life that is fun, enjoyable and sustainable. One that allows you to live your healthiest and happiest life. One that allows you to feel good about yourself. To feel energized, vibrant, healthy and strong. It doesnt matter what kind of shape you are in now. Everyone, and I mean everyone has the ability to make a change, to reach their goals and to take the first step. It is a marathon, not a sprint. And I can help provide you with the information, the tools and the encouragement you need to take the first step and to keep going until you get to your finish line. I can help you just a little. Or I can help you a lot. The cool thing about this program is its totally custom. Its whatever you need! Every person is different so every plan is different.

I help people, like you, feel better about themselves, feel more confident, enjoy life more, live more fully and feel better physically.I help people adopt a sustainable healthy lifestyle. I help people lose weight. I help people get stronger and more fit. I help people eat better and feel more energetic. I help people find time in busy schedules to get active, exercise and eat healthier. I help people begin new movement patterns. And I enjoy every single moment of it. Im ready to help you, which whatever you need if youre ready. Lets start now, together. This is the perfect time.

So lets talk about routines and challenges

As humans it is very easy for us to fall into a routine. So many of us were forced to change our routines with the onset of COVID-19. Maybe you were a gym goer and you had to start training at home. Maybe you weren’t exercising at all but all of the time that you spent in your home started to get to you, so you began going outside and exercising. Maybe your favorite sporting activity was postponed indefinitely so you had to find a new activity of interest.

Change can be hard but it’s the very best thing for our bodies mentally and physically. Our bodies are amazing masters of adaptation and efficiency. When we are engaging in any sort of routine, our bodies will become more efficient and more adaptable, therefore minimizing change and energy expenditure.

What does this mean? You’ll reach a plateau. And most likely, you may even get bored  and start to lose motivation, eventually getting burnt out.

When Covid hit I was going to the gym every day. I was taking the same classes on the same scheduled days of the week, and I was doing the traditional rotation of weightlifting. With the closure of the gym I was forced to change my routine. Since then I have increased my strength, fitness and lean muscle mass AND decreased my body fat percentage. All unintentionally! It was a sweet surprise! 

I was forced to try new things and cross train in ways I had not thought of before.

I found new ways to train and new activities to keep me moving. I also found new ways of taking the activities I loved most and progressively increasing the challenge.

How did I do this? I thought about the things that impressed me. And thought about the people that help motivate me. What do they do that inspires me? What can they do, but I struggle with? And most importantly, I asked myself why. Why does what that person inspire me?  Why do I want to be able to do those things? Or why do I want to change the look of my body? What will that do for me (for me, not anyone else)? And lastly, how can I get to the point where I can do those things more easily?  When you ask yourself these questions you will get to the root of your why. That is what will motivate you. Your why. That is what will help you find your path to your goals. Sometimes its really hard to find your true “why” and thats where a coach comes in. You have to let go of everything except YOU. Especially others perceptions and opinions and your habits and routines.

So, I started getting creative. I did some research. I started thinking outside of the box. I won’t say I developed a new routine because nothing I do is in routine now. But I will say that I am enjoying myself in a whole new way. Ive changed and become stronger both mentally and physically. 

One of my goals is to participate in longer hikes. I don’t like sleeping outside so that meant I needed to get faster so I could cover more ground during daylight hours and not be forced to camp outside. Why did I want to participate in longer hikes? To get more traversing in. To see more areas that are untouched by humans. The other is to climb the NH 48 4Ks. And I have to be able to climb quick. Why? I am a mom and I wont leave my kids all day to hike. So I have to do as many as I can, early and fast. Get to the mountain, run up and down, and be home before they get out of bed or just a couple hours after, or for longer hikes, before they get home from school. Im a mom first. To do that, I had to increase my cardio fitness and cardio endurance. But, I also thoroughly enjoy weightlifting. I want to be athletically strong. I don’t want to be skin and bones. I can have as many goals as I want. And I have many.

When you only do cardio you can potentially lose muscle mass. When you only lift you can potentially lose some of your athletic ability, coordination, agility, speed and endurance. So I train In a heart rate zone (using HIIT) that improves cardio fitness AND endurance at the same time I’m maxing out my lifting. Yes, it’s possible. My lean muscle mass has increased. My cardiovascular fitness and endurance has increased. And my body fat percentage is lower than its ever been (and its staying there) on my body compositions.  And now when I hike, I try to increase speed and agility each time. Why? So I can keep getting closer to my goal of covering more ground, climbing higher mountains and getting it all done during daylight hours without camping overnight outside!! That may be a silly goal to some but to me, its important. When you decide what your goals are, you create a program to help you achieve those goals. Its that simple.  My speed is a competition against myself. Against my last hike. Competition drives me. And I compete the hardest against myself. But what drives me isnt the same motivation that will drive you.

I am my biggest critic. Probably like most of you are on yourselves. What impresses me is not the weightlifter that can keep adding more weight. What impresses me is the person who is mainly a weightlifter but has the drive and the motivation to go out and run as fast as he or she can for as long as he or she can. Why? Because it’s out of routine so that makes it difficult. It goes against the bodies adaptation so it creates more of a challenge. it’s also impressive to see a marathon runner start lifting. Why? For the same reason. Its hard. It’s against that runners body’s adaption.  It takes a strong mind and lots of determination to step outside of your comfort zone and do something hard. Something your body isnt conditioned to do. But by mixing it up you are going keep your body from becoming so efficient that progress comes to a halt. 

So now, that’s how I train. When something starts to get easier I find some thing else that’s more of a challenge. I think about how my body has adapted and then find a way to confuse my body. To give it something it doesn’t expect. This has been the best thing for my physical fitness and strength  and for my mental health. I’m not bored anymore. I don’t exercise just to exercise. Now is a daily challenge that install my mind as well as my physical strength and endurance. I’m challenging my mind to find new ways for my body to move. I’m challenging my mind to find new ways to challenge my body performance. I’m challenging my mind to avoid falling into a routine. Im challenging my mind to push through and tackle something difficult when its easier to do something I am good at or conditioned for.  Working with a personal trainer can help keep your routine varied.

The most important piece to remember is that we all have different goals. So, I’ll do me and you’ll do you. The specifics of how I train works for me but may not for you. And vice versa. But I can assure you, variety is important, regardless of how you train. I will support you and cheer you on without judgement and you can cheer on and support those around you without judgement.  We can all strive to be our best and to help others be their best too. We dont have to compete against each other because we aren’t all working for the same result.  So who cares if youre faster than me? Or if I lift more than you? It doesnt matter if you workout more than me or less than me. It doesnt matter if your friends pants are 3 sizes smaller than yours. Im not trying to keep up with you or anyone else. And you dont need to keep up with me or anyone else. Why? We aren’t on the same path! We aren’t working towards the same goals! We aren’t even starting from the same place! Thats the beauty of it!

So when you feel like you have to compare yourself to someone else, remind yourself of that. How can you even compare yourself to someone on a different path? You cant! So let it go! The circumstances are not the same, the goals are not the same and the starting point was never the same. You do you, and I’ll do me. Love yourself and YOUR journey. It’s different than mine. It’s different than your neighbors.

In fact, I can almost guarantee that if you watch anybody around you with true acceptance of their individualism and not as your competition you will be able to find at least one thing you can gain from them, to help you on your path.  if we all stopped judging or comparing and instead shared our ideas with each other imagine how much we could all gain? It’s not a competition between each other, or against humans as a whole, but rather a huge support system that we can tap into for sharing ideas, accountability, bettering ourselves and even creating new friendships. it’s about helping each other be the best version of ourselves that we can be. Remember, its not just about how you look on the outside but how you FEEL on the inside. Do you feel GOOD about yourself? Do you feel good about the progress you have made so far even if you aren’t yet where you want to be? Or do you feel the need to use filters, perfect lighting and flattering poses simply to take photos so you feel accepted? I can promise you that until you feel good inside you will never be happy with how you look on the outside. Even with lighting, filters and “likes” on social media. So stop comparing yourself to everyone else and stop worry about what others think of you and start having fun with this.

Snap out of your routine. Your routine of how you train. Want to see change? Change your training routine. Snap out the routine of how you think about yourself. Want to look better outside? Start working on feeling better inside. Appreciate your progress so far. Change how you talk to yourself. How you see yourself.

So can you start tomorrow? I bet you can. Wait, I know you can. Get out of that routine that makes you feel stuck. Start accepting yourself where you are and doing the same for those around you. Can you change your routines and challenge yourself mentally, physically, or both? Look at others at friends and teachers instead of competition. Its life changing, it really is. And isnt that what your contemplating? What you want? Change. Then take the first step. The only thing holding you back is excuses. Get rid of those. And then you’ll see there really are no limits…. there were only ever excuses.

Wait, did you say “a” diet or diet?

We all laugh at those grammatical errors we see on social media. Punctuation in the wrong place or misspelling of a word can give a sentence an entirely different meaning! Well, guess what? The use of that little “a” can do the same thing!

I will tell you all day long that your goals are directly connected to your diet. But, I’m not going to tell you to go on “a” diet. Wait, What? “A” diet is not usually a sustainable way of life. “A” diet usually consists of a caloric reduction of some sort or some trendy eating plan that is all the rage at the moment. When someone goes on a diet they make a quick and drastic change to their eating habits. Although “a” diet may yield some immediate or quick results, those results are often very short lived. Diet on the other hand, “Diet” is what you fuel your body with, regularly, consistently, sustainably, as part of your lifestyle. I’m not on “a” diet and I never will be again. In fact, when I sat at the table on Thanksgiving Day my mom said “Wow Angie, Thats a heroic plate!”. My diet is balanced, and my body needs fuel, so I can eat like a hero now and then – Lol!

Think of food as fuel. Your body has a job to do and you need to provide fuel for your body to do it’s job. Are you fueling your body to work efficiently? Or are you clogging up the system with pollution?

It’s not sustainable to diet and exercise. But, it is sustainable to fuel and train your body. Success will come when you create a sustainable lifestyle. What’s the key word there? Sustainable. Look at your goals. Make a plan to get there. Then evaluate your plan. Is it sustainable? Can you do it for the rest of your life, happily? If not, you’ll revert right back to where you are now so create a new plan.

Bodies are amazing! And I a mean Ah-Maz-Ing. Do you know what bodies are REALLY good at? Adapting and achieving homeostasis. It’s survival. Our bodies have to be able to adapt and reach a state of homeostasis to function efficiently. That adaptability and efficiency was the key to survival before all of this modern day stuff. It still is the key to survival for animals in nature.

So how does all of that relate to “a” diet? You can’t sustain a lifestyle on 1000 calories a day for the rest of your life so why train your body to survive on 1000 calories a day? I tried it. I was working out intensely 2-3 hours a day and living on 1200 calories a day. I was on “a” diet. Why? I didn’t know how much I was harming my body living that way. I had no energy. I wasn’t getting stronger. Just thinner, more sunken in, more deflated. I was slowly starving myself and I didn’t know it. I was too afraid of gaining weight to see anything else. It was not a good idea!
This is is why you need to look at your diet and not go on “a” diet. What are you eating? And how can you find a balance? You need days when you eat more and days when you eat less. You need days when you eat less carbs and days when you can carb load (Hello Pizza!). Why? So your body doesn’t know what to expect. So your body cant reach homeostases. If your body reaches homeostasis you’ll stop seeing results.

But, I’m not going to lie to you. To maintain a sustainable healthy lifestyle that aligns with your goals, the vast majority of your diet has to be clean food in appropriate portions. And yes, if you want to lose weight you have to take in less calories than you expend per day. But drastic reductions in calorie intake isnt sustainable. What is sustainable is finding a caloric number that matches your goals. Remember, not all calories are created equal. 1800 calories of fried foods and processed “junk” is not going to give you the same results as 1800 calories of clean foods. You can’t out exercise a bad diet, no matter how hard you try. But do you know what’s great about clean food? The portion size in relation to calories is HUGE! So for those of us that like to eat (…. me!) its a win-win!

I’m all about keeping it simple, like really simple. The less ingredients your food has, the “healthier” it is. It’s that simple. Eating clean is easy. There are not any special food lists to avoid or add. Just eat clean, whole unprocessed food. Foods that don’t have an ingredient lists are the best! But, to maintain a balanced and sustainable lifestyle we are all going to have manufactured foods as part of our diet . So just give it some thought. When you choose manufactured foods, what are you choosing? Some choices are better than others. Remember, you are trying to create a sustainable lifestyle, not a habit and not “a” diet. Most importantly, you want to enjoy your lifestyle. If you don’t enjoy it, what’s the point? This is why finding a way to achieve balance is key.

I happen to have an insane sweet tooth. I love my sweets. So I have found a way to live in balance keeping sweets in my diet. I can enjoy sweets by adding “good” stuff to them. Instead of Little Debbie snack cakes I enjoy Kodiak Protien Brownies. Or even better, a Whoopie Pie Recipe I created using Kodiak Brownie Mix and Fage Greek Yogurt. Whoopie Pies are my absolute favorite! The Whoopie Pies I made have 237 calories (some calories are worth it), 2g of fat, 7g carbs, and 17g of PROTEIN each!  So even though I am eating something sweet, I’m making it just a little bit better for me. And, I’m living in balance. I won’t eat 6 at a time, but 1 satisfies my sweet tooth, while keeping my lifestyle in balance and helping me stay on track with my goals. Ive learned to make my favorite foods in a “healthier” version instead of giving them up totally. It takes some time (research) and creativity, but I am worth it. And so are you. If I was on “a” diet, I’d have to give up Whoopie Pies…. not going to happen!

The key to sustainable change is to make small changes and adjustments. If you wake up one day and decide you are going to eat all fruits and vegetables after eating fast food for years, you will likely struggle. Habits are hard to break. But, If you make one small change at a time, the change is easier to sustain and build on. You will have a higher rate of success. And you will have an increased chance of creating a new sustainable lifestyle. What does that mean? You don’t have to think about lifestyle choices. Now that I have created a lifestyle, I don’t walk through the grocery store considering a purchase of Little Debbie Snacks. It doesn’t even cross my mind. Why? It’s not part of my lifestyle. That makes it SO easy! It all started with one small change at a time. And all of those small changes created a whole new lifestyle.

So, if it’s so easy…. why do so many people quit? Or fail? For many, it’s mistakes. We are all going to make mistakes or mess up. So many people give up because they made a mistake. Let me tell you mistakes will happen! A mistake is not a reason to give up. Your day isn’t blown! Your lifestyle isn’t blown! Your goals aren’t blown! I promise! Instead, just think of your next snack or meal as an opportunity to get back on track. Whatever you do, please don’t quit or give up. Even if you make mistake after mistake after mistake, you have thousands of opportunities to get back on track. Every moment is an opportunity to start over or get back on track.

In addition to mistakes, there are obstacles that will inevitably arise. Having a plan ahead of time to deal with this obstacles is important and something a Health & Wellness coach can help you with. Your list of perceived obstacles will differ from mine. This is why you need a plan specific to YOU. The most common obstacles are social situations, holidays, and travel, among others. We are a culture that shows appreciation and love with food. We are a culture that has been taught to use food as enjoyment or to “medicate” our emotions, instead of using food for fuel. That can be a challenging obstacle to overcome. But, it’s not impossible. Not even close to impossible. There are techniques you can use to face these obstacles and live in balance.

Remember though, your goals and choices are yours and yours alone. They may not be the same as your spouse or your friends, so be prepared ahead of time to make a choice that is best for you. Even when those around you may order a pizza with extra cheese or an extra glass or two of wine. This is about creating YOUR best lifestyle. And the one thing I can promise you is this: Once you get to the point where you’ve created a lifestyle (90 days)… the choice wont be as hard anymore. It will start becoming easy, I promise, I really do! Remember, these words are coming out of the mouth of a girl that ate pizza and a donut every day for years. Your mistakes will become less frequent. You will have replaced old habits with new habits. You will have created a sustainable healthy lifestyle. It’s all in your mindset. Mindset through this process is HUGE. But, we’ll save that for another post!

So, I think today is a great day to make that first small change, don’t you? What’s it gonna be?

#FageYogurt #KodiakCakes


The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Had To Do

I lost over 55lbs …on my own. I didn’t have a dietitian or a nutritionist. I didn’t have a personal trainer. Heck, I didn’t even have an accountability partner. But guess what? That is not the hardest thing I have ever had to do. This is. This, right here. That’s why I have been procrastinating. Writing about parts of my past that I want to forget and posting my “before” picture. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Im embarrassed. I have anxiety about it. But, I’m doing it.

People that meet me now look at me and assume I have always have been an athlete. Or that health, fitness and strength come easily for me. Or that I have always looked the way I do now. The reality is I have spent most of my life struggling with food addictions and emotional eating.

As a child I was teased a lot about my weight. I was chubby. Chubbier than most of the girls. In middle school. I was nicknamed “the beef”. When the Oakhurst Truck delivered milk at school, I was compared to the cow on the truck. So yeah, Ive struggled with weight. I’ve always felt that I can gain weight just breathing air, even as an active kid. I was also always picked last in gym class. I was that kid.

In high school I thinned out as so many kids do when going through puberty and growth spurts. I wasn’t as thin as most, but I wasn’t teased about weight anymore. I was relieved. But little did I know my struggles with weight, emotional eating and food addictions were far from over.

As a young adult, I was a professional athlete for years. I had a national sponsor. Life was good. Life was great, actually! I was active, fit, strong and healthy. I was living the dream. After having kids, things changed. I had to give up my sponsor and my main focus became my son, not competing profesionally. I have to say, it was wonderful! Being a mom was so much better than I anticipated. But I didn’t know at the time how much those kids would play a role in my health and wellness and bringing me to where I am today.

Now jump forward a few years, I have a son in hockey, a second child, and I’m in an unhappy marriage. How do I cope? Eating and drinking, uncontrollably. I host hockey parties to distract myself from the unhappiness I feel. I eat and drink non stop at the parties, at the tournaments, at the practices. I mean isn’t that what hockey is about? It’s fun! It’s a party! But, I take it over the top. Like I am known to do. No moderation. All or nothing.

Additionally, when I am home I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am angry. I eat because I like food and I am addicted to it. Literally addicted. Not just any food. Chocolate. Sweets. Sugar. Bread. I go out and drink with my friends all the time. Why? It distracts me. I didn’t know at the time I was unhappy. I thought I was happy. Everyone wanted to be around me because I was always the life of the party! I was living like I was having fun, right? Wrong.

So what came next? Yep, you guessed it. Divorce. More unhappiness. Stress. Kids. Struggles with money. The divorce was tough so guess what I did? I ate more. I drank more. I had less time, less energy. So we just ate out all the time. Pizza on the way to the rink? Sure. Applebees after practice? Why not?! Feeling bad about myself and the way I look…. Whoopie pies will fix that! I gained more and more weight and became more and more addicted to food. I used it to cope. I was not only addicted to food, I was also an emotional eater. Portion control was non existent to me, with both food and alcohol.

I couldn’t stand the way I looked in pictures so I didn’t take any. I didn’t like buying clothes because nothing looked good on me. I lost myself as so many moms do. As so many humans do when going through tough times. But something changed and Im not sure why, it just did. I woke up one day and I looked in the mirror and thought “This is NOT who I want to be. This is NOT who I am. I need to set a better example for my kids. I want to be healthy and around for them for along time”. And I decided that day to make a change. We hear so many say ” It doesn’t matter what you look like, its what inside that counts”. But, the truth is…. I wanted to look good too. I wanted to love the body I was in. I wanted to feel pretty. I wanted to feel sexy. And most importantly, I wanted to set a better example for my kids and be there for them for years and years. I saw them developing unhealthy eating habits and could not sit by and watch that happen. I worried what would happen to them if became unable to care for them. Kids learn from what they see not what they are told.

It started very slowly. One small change at a time. I didn’t start with the intention of losing 55 lbs. I didn’t start with the intention of eating clean and healthy. I didn’t start with the intention of being strong. I didn’t start with the intention of becoming a health and wellness coach. I just started with a vague goal of wanting to lose some weight.

This may sound silly to some, but if you struggle like I did, you will understand. My first goal – Only go to Dunkin’ Donuts 2-3 x a week instead of every day. Then, my next goal – walk by the Pizza Hut at Target without buying breadsticks for a snack. Yep, those were my initial goals. And they were SO hard. Do you know what my hardest goal was? Parties. I would sit at a table… and as people were conversing, I would be having my own conversation in my head. I was constantly talking myself out of the food. For hours. Negotiating with myself to only take one cookie or one handful of chips. I wasn’t present with my friends or engaging in the conversation. It took all of my energy and focus to talk myself out of binging. And there was shame if I relapsed. Lots of shame. I would punish myself by working out longer and more intensely to make up for the binge. My food addiction had control of me. And it sucked. Badly. It shouldn’t have been that hard. But, when you truly struggle with food addictions, it is that hard. And day to day life is a struggle. My lifestyle was full of unhealthy habits. One by one, I had to develop NEW habits to replace the unhealthy habits. I had to work through the addiction in steps.

One by one I replaced unhealthy habits with new, healthy habits. I started cutting out processed foods and eating cleaner and healthier. I worked on my addiction. I didn’t do it all at once. I used small incremental goals. And as I was able to celebrate my small accomplishments I found myself adding more goals. Small goals and big goals. I still didn’t have a plan of exactly how much weight I wanted to lose. Or that I wanted to lift. I just went day by day trying to be a little bit better than I was the day before. And, making one additional heathy choice or change each day. One by one, those changes and choices created big changes and big gains…. and more importantly, new healthy habits.

I started to feel better. I started to see changes in my body. And the best part? People around me started noticing. That added to my motivation. My kids started to notice I could challenge them more in yard games like basketball, volley ball, etc…. We were having more fun together. Not only was I able to keep up better, I was less stressed and that allowed me to enjoy my time with them more.

Shortly after, I found myself going to the gym. It was hard but I just gave myself small incremental goals. I would go 5 days a week for 1 class. As I became more fit and I started to enjoy it (seriously… I would look forward to going), I found myself adding more to the mix. I would train a little longer. Or add an extra day. I started weighing myself. I was noticing changes. Those changes motivated me to keep going. During this time I kept making small changes to my diet. Eating cleaner and healthier. And my children followed in my steps. Our dinners changed. Our deserts changed. I found ways to make our favorite treats healthier. I did it for them. I wasn’t eating much. They’d tell me, “Mom, you hardly eat” or ” Mom, you need to eat”.

That was when an obstacle showed up. I started to see changes and I wanted to see more changes. Quicker changes. I became obsessed with looking better, losing more weight and getting more fit. Remember how I said I am all or nothing? And that I was addicted to food? Well, I went to the opposite extreme. I wasn’t eating enough and if I’m honest, I was barely eating. My caloric intake was ridiculously low. I was addicted to food. Yet, I didn’t have control of my addiction. My addiction to food was controlling me in so many ways. So in a sense, I tried cut food out of my life to gain control. I had to stay away from food to talk myself into believing I had control. I told myself I was on “a diet”. I wasn’t on a diet, I was starving myself. My body was weak and out of balance.

So, I started lifting because I wanted to be stronger. I loved it! But I struggled. I’d fade out early no matter how hard I pushed myself. I wasn’t getting stronger. Why? I wasn’t eating enough. After struggling in that place for a bit I realized food is fuel. I needed to eat to lift. So I started eating more. Healthy and clean, but more. Food wasn’t the enemy anymore. It was my fuel. I was an athlete. I needed fuel. Athletes don’t diet and exercise, they fuel up and train. I told myself that over and over.

With proper fuel, my body really started to change and I enjoyed being strong. I started new activities and experiences. I participated in things I never though I would do! I tried trapeze, I started hiking mountains, I started doing anything and everything I could that kept me moving. I had freedom. I was living a life I had never even dreamed of when I started this process. I started with the goal of losing a little weight. I ended up losing over 55 lbs. I’ve been able to enjoy a wide variety of physically active experiences that I never would have been fit enough to try before. And, I gained the confidence to be authentically me. The confidence to love the body I am in. Now, food is fuel and exercise isn’t a punishment anymore for eating. I’m getting there. I still have progress to make. I still have days when I fight addiction tendencies. I still have days when want more progress. But, I’m getting there, one small step at a time. My thoughts and my body are more balanced. And that’s healthy. I am strengthening my mind and my body through this journey.

The highs, the lows. The process. The progress from day 1 to now is not something I can put into words. The emotions. The details. The events. It’s so much more than anything words can capture. However, when I started reflecting on all of it, and its a lot, I realized I wanted to help others. The way I feel now compared to how I felt at the lowest part of my life is indescribable. I want to help others gain confidence, reach their goals and just love their life and the body they are in. So I decided to pursue a career in Health & Wellness coaching. I know how it feels. I haven’t always been healthy. I haven’t always been strong. I haven’t always been active. I know how hard I had to work to get to where I am now. But I also know how good it feels and how attainable the goals are. I wish I had started sooner. It’s been the best journey of my life. I enjoy life in a whole new way now. I am happier than I have ever been. Not because of how I look but because of how I feel. Because of what I have accomplished. Because of how far I have come. Because I am now the best version of me that I can be. Because I took my life back. I like that feeling. I wont lose it again. I wont lose myself again. I’m better than I have ever been. And you can be too. I am no different than you are.

So now the hard part… the before and after photo. I guess I can’t procrastinate anymore. I have wanted to post this for a year but I have not been able to. I’ve been too embarrassed. It’s a photo of me when I was in my most unhealthy state. But, today is the day I overcome my fear, my embarrassment and my anxiety. It’s the next incremental goal for me. Finding a before picture was very hard. I avoided photos as much as possible. But, I found one so…. Deep Breath….. here I go…. If I can do this, you can too.